WOW.
Just when you think it can't get any weirder... it does.
So the whole drama with Wicker and Aerial has taken yet another, twisted turn. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, such as they are... but it matters to ME.
And suffice to say, Madam Wicker will not be spending any time with my children, ever, again.
Apparently, Wicker had a death wish. Mine. She would tell Aerial that she wished that I would die, because (and this is scary) it would be easier for the kids!!!!
Her logic was thus; my death would mean that the children would no longer have to go from one household to the other, thus making it "easier" on them. And then she and Aerial could have the children "all the time", and not have to deal with me any longer, and everyone would be happy and stable.
Yeah....
If you're shaking your head in bewilderment and maybe some disgust, I feel ya. Can we say, "wacky-bo-bo"? Ya think? Just a bit?
Kinda makes my stomach turn...
The thing that gets me is that all this time, she's been so sweety sweety to my face. So nice. My "friend". And behind my back, telling Aerial how much she hates me, and how mad she is at me, and that she wishes I would just die.
Nice. Really, really nice.
I cannot express, in words alone, how incredibly glad that this woman is no longer in the lives of my children. That brand of crazy is something that they JUST DON'T NEED. Seriously. And the more I learn, the more I realize, she has some very serious, deep-rooted problems... and needs some help. However, she's on her own. I feel bad for her two boys...
26 January 2008
23 January 2008
We As Humans
Do you ever wonder what makes people do... what they do? I don't mean the entirety of humanity... I mean the people around you. The people you know. Those that you think you know. Or those that seem to be one thing... and turn out to be something (somONE) else, entirely.
I mean someone specifically, of course. People rarely ask that question "what makes people tick" without a specific person or incident in mind. I'm no exception. There IS someone that I can't help but wonder about... why she is the way she is. Why she does what it is she does. I have my theories, of course. But I don't know her well enough to know if these theories have any merit. I doubt that I'll ever find out. I think, I HOPE, that I will have very little to do with this person in the future.
In actuality, I have a lot of say, and control, over whether or not I have anything to do with her in the days, months, years to come. I have a lot of say in whether or not she's a presence in my life, or my children's lives. Until very recently, this was not the case, however. And it's still subject to change, although I doubt that at this point, after everything has been said and done, that it WILL change.
I'm speaking of Wicker, of course, Aerial's wife. Soon to be ex-wife, that is. They have separated and are getting a divorce. She has moved out. She is moving on.
Aerial currently has custody of my three younger children, Beta, Cappa, and Delta. That is going to change, however, in legal terms. They are back with me (yay!) since the subsequent separation and impending dissolution of their marriage. Wicker was the Stay-At-Home-Mother while Aerial worked; now that she has gone, Aerial has no one to take care of the children while he works, thus they return to me. We still have the paperwork to fill out and sign and notorize, but it's merely a formality at this point. My children are back with me.
Throughout the past two years, I felt like I had come to know Wicker quite well. I thought that she was a sweet, somewhat naive woman, who had not seen much nor done much with questionable taste in men (I say that last with amused affection~ she DID marry my EX, after all). I am embarrassed to admit that I woefully underestimated her. I generally read people quite well, and I thought I had her pegged. I was way off base. I was so far wrong, it would be funny if it weren't so pathetic.
Wicker is NOT this sweet, naive, put-upon woman. Oh, far from it. I have begun to believe that she has some serious, deep-rooted issues. I think that she may even be a pathological liar. Certainly she is manipulative, and certainly she lies. I know that she is sneaky, and underhanded, and has a mean streak that was heretofore undetected behind those fathomless blue eyes. I'm not certain that she knows the complete difference between the truth and a falsehood. Like I said, I have my suspicions... but I don't know anything for fact. All I can say is... I'm glad I didn't marry her!!
So I wonder what makes this woman tick. I wonder what motivates her brand of crazy. I wonder what she tells herself to justify some of the things that she says and does. I wonder what she thinks when she opens her mouth and tells an out and out lie. I wonder what she wants when she does these things; what the ultimate payoff is, what drives her to do what she does. I wonder, mostly, WHY.
Why be dishonest? Why lie? Does she know it's wrong? Does she know that what she's doing when she does these things not just hurts others, but hurts herself? How does she look at herself in the mirror? How does she wake up each day and tell herself that what she's doing, and how she's doing it, is alright? How does someone try and wreck someone else's life so blatantly, so completely, and just... be ok with that?
I don't understand. I really, really do not get that.
And what will she one day tell her sons? How will she explain to them the things that she did, and does? Right now it's very simple; they are mere babies, and she need not tell them anything. They need no words, no explanations. However, she makes the same mistake that many of us make... assuming that they will stay so young and naive and dependant forever. That they will always take what she says at face value. That they are extensions of her, and not individuals of their own, with thoughts and opinions and, one day, come to their own conclusions. One day, they will want to know why she did what she did to their father... one day, they will demand to know. What will she tell them?
Life is fluid. Life is never what you think it's going to be. We try and change it, shape it, own it and master it, but forever does it change. I have found that when you are foul, when you live without integrity, life has a way of paying you back for that. Life has a way of turning back on you and making you, one way or another, pay. What you do today affects your tomorrow.
I can feel somewhat sorry for someone like Wicker, even while I feel disgust for what she does. She sees things in such a narrow scope. She sees what is before her but not surrounding her. She wants what she wants, and she does what she wants, as a means to an end. And she does it in the falseness of what is right.
Right for whom? I think she does what she does because she can. I think it's as simple as that. I think she likes to do things because she likes to make people react, to run around and react to whatever it was she's said. I think she likes the attention. I think she likes to throw the rock in the pond and stand back and watch the ripples. And she perpetuates it, spreads it around, because she can.
A MONTH ago, if you had told me that I would feel this way about her, to this degree, I would not have believed you. I will say that there were signs, and the feelings of trust that I once felt had cooled somewhat, due to another incident, but that I would take my ex's side over her's so completely? No. Not possible. When it came to Aerial, I was too jaded and cynical. Because while I certainly bear him no ill will, he IS my EX husband for a reason.
Now? Wow. It's ironic that in the past two years I have had many, many, MANY conversations with Wicker, and maybe about a dozen with Aerial. And I was fine with that; I preferred it like that. And in the past two weeks, I have since completely revised my opinion. Why? From talking to Aerial. Funny how things with him ring true, and I see the many holes in her stories there are and were.
So what makes her tick? What makes her the way she is? But you know what? I'm not sure that I want to answer that...
I mean someone specifically, of course. People rarely ask that question "what makes people tick" without a specific person or incident in mind. I'm no exception. There IS someone that I can't help but wonder about... why she is the way she is. Why she does what it is she does. I have my theories, of course. But I don't know her well enough to know if these theories have any merit. I doubt that I'll ever find out. I think, I HOPE, that I will have very little to do with this person in the future.
In actuality, I have a lot of say, and control, over whether or not I have anything to do with her in the days, months, years to come. I have a lot of say in whether or not she's a presence in my life, or my children's lives. Until very recently, this was not the case, however. And it's still subject to change, although I doubt that at this point, after everything has been said and done, that it WILL change.
I'm speaking of Wicker, of course, Aerial's wife. Soon to be ex-wife, that is. They have separated and are getting a divorce. She has moved out. She is moving on.
Aerial currently has custody of my three younger children, Beta, Cappa, and Delta. That is going to change, however, in legal terms. They are back with me (yay!) since the subsequent separation and impending dissolution of their marriage. Wicker was the Stay-At-Home-Mother while Aerial worked; now that she has gone, Aerial has no one to take care of the children while he works, thus they return to me. We still have the paperwork to fill out and sign and notorize, but it's merely a formality at this point. My children are back with me.
Throughout the past two years, I felt like I had come to know Wicker quite well. I thought that she was a sweet, somewhat naive woman, who had not seen much nor done much with questionable taste in men (I say that last with amused affection~ she DID marry my EX, after all). I am embarrassed to admit that I woefully underestimated her. I generally read people quite well, and I thought I had her pegged. I was way off base. I was so far wrong, it would be funny if it weren't so pathetic.
Wicker is NOT this sweet, naive, put-upon woman. Oh, far from it. I have begun to believe that she has some serious, deep-rooted issues. I think that she may even be a pathological liar. Certainly she is manipulative, and certainly she lies. I know that she is sneaky, and underhanded, and has a mean streak that was heretofore undetected behind those fathomless blue eyes. I'm not certain that she knows the complete difference between the truth and a falsehood. Like I said, I have my suspicions... but I don't know anything for fact. All I can say is... I'm glad I didn't marry her!!
So I wonder what makes this woman tick. I wonder what motivates her brand of crazy. I wonder what she tells herself to justify some of the things that she says and does. I wonder what she thinks when she opens her mouth and tells an out and out lie. I wonder what she wants when she does these things; what the ultimate payoff is, what drives her to do what she does. I wonder, mostly, WHY.
Why be dishonest? Why lie? Does she know it's wrong? Does she know that what she's doing when she does these things not just hurts others, but hurts herself? How does she look at herself in the mirror? How does she wake up each day and tell herself that what she's doing, and how she's doing it, is alright? How does someone try and wreck someone else's life so blatantly, so completely, and just... be ok with that?
I don't understand. I really, really do not get that.
And what will she one day tell her sons? How will she explain to them the things that she did, and does? Right now it's very simple; they are mere babies, and she need not tell them anything. They need no words, no explanations. However, she makes the same mistake that many of us make... assuming that they will stay so young and naive and dependant forever. That they will always take what she says at face value. That they are extensions of her, and not individuals of their own, with thoughts and opinions and, one day, come to their own conclusions. One day, they will want to know why she did what she did to their father... one day, they will demand to know. What will she tell them?
Life is fluid. Life is never what you think it's going to be. We try and change it, shape it, own it and master it, but forever does it change. I have found that when you are foul, when you live without integrity, life has a way of paying you back for that. Life has a way of turning back on you and making you, one way or another, pay. What you do today affects your tomorrow.
I can feel somewhat sorry for someone like Wicker, even while I feel disgust for what she does. She sees things in such a narrow scope. She sees what is before her but not surrounding her. She wants what she wants, and she does what she wants, as a means to an end. And she does it in the falseness of what is right.
Right for whom? I think she does what she does because she can. I think it's as simple as that. I think she likes to do things because she likes to make people react, to run around and react to whatever it was she's said. I think she likes the attention. I think she likes to throw the rock in the pond and stand back and watch the ripples. And she perpetuates it, spreads it around, because she can.
A MONTH ago, if you had told me that I would feel this way about her, to this degree, I would not have believed you. I will say that there were signs, and the feelings of trust that I once felt had cooled somewhat, due to another incident, but that I would take my ex's side over her's so completely? No. Not possible. When it came to Aerial, I was too jaded and cynical. Because while I certainly bear him no ill will, he IS my EX husband for a reason.
Now? Wow. It's ironic that in the past two years I have had many, many, MANY conversations with Wicker, and maybe about a dozen with Aerial. And I was fine with that; I preferred it like that. And in the past two weeks, I have since completely revised my opinion. Why? From talking to Aerial. Funny how things with him ring true, and I see the many holes in her stories there are and were.
So what makes her tick? What makes her the way she is? But you know what? I'm not sure that I want to answer that...
13 January 2008
Spin Cycle
Today was laundry day. Sundays are those days, although I have been known to do a load mid-week, if needed.
I am not overly fond of doing laundry. Thus, my husband usually does it. The trade off is, I fold it and put it away. I really don't like that part of it, but such is life. However, if I'm the one to wash the clothes, then I'm still the one that winds up folding it and putting it away.
Hmm. Not sensing the equality in that.
Ah, well. What would life be, if everything was equal?
Don't answer that.
I still have the flu, which means that I will probably not be folding the laundry today, and maybe not even tomorrow. I really hope that I feel better tomorrow. I'm sick of being sick ~har har har~ Today is day three.
Tomorrow, The Man goes back to work, the kid to school. Lovely. But let's not talk about the kids. I really don't want to go there today. Not in the mood.
Not that I'm upset with them, or anything. They're great. It's the Major Players in their lives that usually upset me. However, I'm not upset at their father, Arial, or their step-mother, Wicker; not today. I'm just not in the mood to discuss the issues that seem to constantly swirl around those two, and, by proxy, around my Duckies. Their (Airal and Wicker's) problems are not MY problems, but their problems do effect me...
... and I'm rambling, aren't I? Blame the flu. I do.
Back to laundry.
Did you know that I love the scent of freshly laundered clothes? And there are few things more pleasing than climbing into bed 'tween clean sheets? If I could, I would wash my sheets EVERY day. However, that would be a horrid waste of water, laundry detergent, dryer sheets, gasoline (as I do not have a washer/dryer in my place), and time. Thus, I wash my sheets, usually bi-weekly. TMI? Get over it.
I am not looking forward to folding and putting away all this laundry. I said that already, didn't I?
My head hurts, and the screen on my computer is probably not helping... And I have temporarily run out of things to say. Fancy that.
I am not overly fond of doing laundry. Thus, my husband usually does it. The trade off is, I fold it and put it away. I really don't like that part of it, but such is life. However, if I'm the one to wash the clothes, then I'm still the one that winds up folding it and putting it away.
Hmm. Not sensing the equality in that.
Ah, well. What would life be, if everything was equal?
Don't answer that.
I still have the flu, which means that I will probably not be folding the laundry today, and maybe not even tomorrow. I really hope that I feel better tomorrow. I'm sick of being sick ~har har har~ Today is day three.
Tomorrow, The Man goes back to work, the kid to school. Lovely. But let's not talk about the kids. I really don't want to go there today. Not in the mood.
Not that I'm upset with them, or anything. They're great. It's the Major Players in their lives that usually upset me. However, I'm not upset at their father, Arial, or their step-mother, Wicker; not today. I'm just not in the mood to discuss the issues that seem to constantly swirl around those two, and, by proxy, around my Duckies. Their (Airal and Wicker's) problems are not MY problems, but their problems do effect me...
... and I'm rambling, aren't I? Blame the flu. I do.
Back to laundry.
Did you know that I love the scent of freshly laundered clothes? And there are few things more pleasing than climbing into bed 'tween clean sheets? If I could, I would wash my sheets EVERY day. However, that would be a horrid waste of water, laundry detergent, dryer sheets, gasoline (as I do not have a washer/dryer in my place), and time. Thus, I wash my sheets, usually bi-weekly. TMI? Get over it.
I am not looking forward to folding and putting away all this laundry. I said that already, didn't I?
My head hurts, and the screen on my computer is probably not helping... And I have temporarily run out of things to say. Fancy that.
12 January 2008
Sleepless
Here I am again. It's Saturday. I'm sick with the flu. So why am I sitting at my computer?
Because, for the moment, I feel like it. I've been reading for most of the day, and need a little break from that. So here I be. I'm sure I'll go back to it, momentarily.
My head has hurt abominably all day, and my stomach feels putrid, but I have yet to toss my cookies (TMI? Oh, well). I took some Exedrin for the headache, but it did little for the aching part. So I took more about a half hour ago, and it seems to be taking the edge off. Finally.
I should be curled up in bed. I feel wretched. Tired. I tried to nap but couldn't. My thoughts just wouldn't stop long enough.
That's how it was last nite, too. Part of it was the flu, certainly, because I have a hard time sleeping whenever I'm ill, but part of it was worry and guilt and more worry. Worry over too many things for me to explain right now, and guilt about, the usual, my children.
My children. Yes, I am a parent. I have six. Two of them, the oldest two, are my husband's, and they are (almost) 19 and 15. Boys. Bryan, who is 15. Stephen is (almost) 19.
The other four are "mine", insofar that I gave birth to them, but I am not the only one raising them. There are four parents involved. Myself, of course, and my ex-husband, "Arial". His wife, "Wicker", and my husband, The Man. Arial and I have been divorced for over five years. We were married for five years. The Man and I have been married for four years. And Arial and Wicker have been married for three years.
My children are "Alpha", "Beta", "Cappa", and "Delta". Alpha is eleven. Beta is nine. Cappa is seven. And Delta is six. Girl, girl, boy, girl. Alpha is mine and mine alone; Arial had nothing to do with her conception. I didn't know him then. Alpha's father, "Absent", lived in New York the last I heard. He is probably still there. Doing whatever it is that he does. I have no idea. He dropped out of orbit some time ago, and as far as I know, has not tried to re-enter my or Alpha's atmosphere. For all intents and purposes, The Man is her father. She calls him Dad. He calls her Daughter. Simple.
It's complicated. Yes, I know. I live it. But only complicated til you know the players, then it just... is.
I feel myself getting tired. I think I should end for now. Go and lay down again.
Worry and guilt. Are there people out there, who have children, that at times do NOT lay awake at nite, feeling these two emotions? Because I would really like to meet these specimens of perfection, if so. Then again, I probably would not. I might get an inferiority complex. And that would be counter-productive.
I think I should stop now. I've been rambling for far too long.
Because, for the moment, I feel like it. I've been reading for most of the day, and need a little break from that. So here I be. I'm sure I'll go back to it, momentarily.
My head has hurt abominably all day, and my stomach feels putrid, but I have yet to toss my cookies (TMI? Oh, well). I took some Exedrin for the headache, but it did little for the aching part. So I took more about a half hour ago, and it seems to be taking the edge off. Finally.
I should be curled up in bed. I feel wretched. Tired. I tried to nap but couldn't. My thoughts just wouldn't stop long enough.
That's how it was last nite, too. Part of it was the flu, certainly, because I have a hard time sleeping whenever I'm ill, but part of it was worry and guilt and more worry. Worry over too many things for me to explain right now, and guilt about, the usual, my children.
My children. Yes, I am a parent. I have six. Two of them, the oldest two, are my husband's, and they are (almost) 19 and 15. Boys. Bryan, who is 15. Stephen is (almost) 19.
The other four are "mine", insofar that I gave birth to them, but I am not the only one raising them. There are four parents involved. Myself, of course, and my ex-husband, "Arial". His wife, "Wicker", and my husband, The Man. Arial and I have been divorced for over five years. We were married for five years. The Man and I have been married for four years. And Arial and Wicker have been married for three years.
My children are "Alpha", "Beta", "Cappa", and "Delta". Alpha is eleven. Beta is nine. Cappa is seven. And Delta is six. Girl, girl, boy, girl. Alpha is mine and mine alone; Arial had nothing to do with her conception. I didn't know him then. Alpha's father, "Absent", lived in New York the last I heard. He is probably still there. Doing whatever it is that he does. I have no idea. He dropped out of orbit some time ago, and as far as I know, has not tried to re-enter my or Alpha's atmosphere. For all intents and purposes, The Man is her father. She calls him Dad. He calls her Daughter. Simple.
It's complicated. Yes, I know. I live it. But only complicated til you know the players, then it just... is.
I feel myself getting tired. I think I should end for now. Go and lay down again.
Worry and guilt. Are there people out there, who have children, that at times do NOT lay awake at nite, feeling these two emotions? Because I would really like to meet these specimens of perfection, if so. Then again, I probably would not. I might get an inferiority complex. And that would be counter-productive.
I think I should stop now. I've been rambling for far too long.
11 January 2008
Let's Start Here
So this is the first.
It's close to 4:30 pm, and in a few minutes I need to go and get my husband from work. I think I may be getting sick. I feel nauseous. I'm tired. I would, in another time, think that possibly I was pregnant, but that's not really possible. Well, I suppose it IS possible, but not probable. Hence, I believe I am getting the flu.
Not off to a good start, are we?
I would love to say hi to my best friend, who will more than likely be the only person interested in what I write. Really, I'm only interesting to those who know me. Everyone else thinks I live quite the normal life.
Which I do.
Quite so.
So, hi, Best Friend. You know who You are.
Well, that's it, for the first. Like I said, I have to leave, to pick up my husband from work. He will be waiting for me.
It's close to 4:30 pm, and in a few minutes I need to go and get my husband from work. I think I may be getting sick. I feel nauseous. I'm tired. I would, in another time, think that possibly I was pregnant, but that's not really possible. Well, I suppose it IS possible, but not probable. Hence, I believe I am getting the flu.
Not off to a good start, are we?
I would love to say hi to my best friend, who will more than likely be the only person interested in what I write. Really, I'm only interesting to those who know me. Everyone else thinks I live quite the normal life.
Which I do.
Quite so.
So, hi, Best Friend. You know who You are.
Well, that's it, for the first. Like I said, I have to leave, to pick up my husband from work. He will be waiting for me.
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