We As Humans

Do you ever wonder what makes people do... what they do? I don't mean the entirety of humanity... I mean the people around you. The people you know. Those that you think you know. Or those that seem to be one thing... and turn out to be something (somONE) else, entirely.

I mean someone specifically, of course. People rarely ask that question "what makes people tick" without a specific person or incident in mind. I'm no exception. There IS someone that I can't help but wonder about... why she is the way she is. Why she does what it is she does. I have my theories, of course. But I don't know her well enough to know if these theories have any merit. I doubt that I'll ever find out. I think, I HOPE, that I will have very little to do with this person in the future.

In actuality, I have a lot of say, and control, over whether or not I have anything to do with her in the days, months, years to come. I have a lot of say in whether or not she's a presence in my life, or my children's lives. Until very recently, this was not the case, however. And it's still subject to change, although I doubt that at this point, after everything has been said and done, that it WILL change.

I'm speaking of Wicker, of course, Aerial's wife. Soon to be ex-wife, that is. They have separated and are getting a divorce. She has moved out. She is moving on.

Aerial currently has custody of my three younger children, Beta, Cappa, and Delta. That is going to change, however, in legal terms. They are back with me (yay!) since the subsequent separation and impending dissolution of their marriage. Wicker was the Stay-At-Home-Mother while Aerial worked; now that she has gone, Aerial has no one to take care of the children while he works, thus they return to me. We still have the paperwork to fill out and sign and notorize, but it's merely a formality at this point. My children are back with me.

Throughout the past two years, I felt like I had come to know Wicker quite well. I thought that she was a sweet, somewhat naive woman, who had not seen much nor done much with questionable taste in men (I say that last with amused affection~ she DID marry my EX, after all). I am embarrassed to admit that I woefully underestimated her. I generally read people quite well, and I thought I had her pegged. I was way off base. I was so far wrong, it would be funny if it weren't so pathetic.

Wicker is NOT this sweet, naive, put-upon woman. Oh, far from it. I have begun to believe that she has some serious, deep-rooted issues. I think that she may even be a pathological liar. Certainly she is manipulative, and certainly she lies. I know that she is sneaky, and underhanded, and has a mean streak that was heretofore undetected behind those fathomless blue eyes. I'm not certain that she knows the complete difference between the truth and a falsehood. Like I said, I have my suspicions... but I don't know anything for fact. All I can say is... I'm glad I didn't marry her!!

So I wonder what makes this woman tick. I wonder what motivates her brand of crazy. I wonder what she tells herself to justify some of the things that she says and does. I wonder what she thinks when she opens her mouth and tells an out and out lie. I wonder what she wants when she does these things; what the ultimate payoff is, what drives her to do what she does. I wonder, mostly, WHY.

Why be dishonest? Why lie? Does she know it's wrong? Does she know that what she's doing when she does these things not just hurts others, but hurts herself? How does she look at herself in the mirror? How does she wake up each day and tell herself that what she's doing, and how she's doing it, is alright? How does someone try and wreck someone else's life so blatantly, so completely, and just... be ok with that?

I don't understand. I really, really do not get that.

And what will she one day tell her sons? How will she explain to them the things that she did, and does? Right now it's very simple; they are mere babies, and she need not tell them anything. They need no words, no explanations. However, she makes the same mistake that many of us make... assuming that they will stay so young and naive and dependant forever. That they will always take what she says at face value. That they are extensions of her, and not individuals of their own, with thoughts and opinions and, one day, come to their own conclusions. One day, they will want to know why she did what she did to their father... one day, they will demand to know. What will she tell them?

Life is fluid. Life is never what you think it's going to be. We try and change it, shape it, own it and master it, but forever does it change. I have found that when you are foul, when you live without integrity, life has a way of paying you back for that. Life has a way of turning back on you and making you, one way or another, pay. What you do today affects your tomorrow.

I can feel somewhat sorry for someone like Wicker, even while I feel disgust for what she does. She sees things in such a narrow scope. She sees what is before her but not surrounding her. She wants what she wants, and she does what she wants, as a means to an end. And she does it in the falseness of what is right.

Right for whom? I think she does what she does because she can. I think it's as simple as that. I think she likes to do things because she likes to make people react, to run around and react to whatever it was she's said. I think she likes the attention. I think she likes to throw the rock in the pond and stand back and watch the ripples. And she perpetuates it, spreads it around, because she can.

A MONTH ago, if you had told me that I would feel this way about her, to this degree, I would not have believed you. I will say that there were signs, and the feelings of trust that I once felt had cooled somewhat, due to another incident, but that I would take my ex's side over her's so completely? No. Not possible. When it came to Aerial, I was too jaded and cynical. Because while I certainly bear him no ill will, he IS my EX husband for a reason.

Now? Wow. It's ironic that in the past two years I have had many, many, MANY conversations with Wicker, and maybe about a dozen with Aerial. And I was fine with that; I preferred it like that. And in the past two weeks, I have since completely revised my opinion. Why? From talking to Aerial. Funny how things with him ring true, and I see the many holes in her stories there are and were.

So what makes her tick? What makes her the way she is? But you know what? I'm not sure that I want to answer that...