Wow. A rarity around here.
I am alone.
Not completely alone, of course. The children are here, but they're in their beds. I mean, I'm alone insofar as the room is empty, and my husband is at work. He managed to get six hours of overtime tonite, and eight hours tomorrow. I miss him, but I'm glad for the alone time.
That has definitely been in short order around here these days.
Ah, I spoke too soon. My darling daughter Beta just came stumbling out, squinting from the light, her hair a tangle around her sleepy face. She's gone into the bathroom.
*sigh*
I need a little break.
No, I need a BIG break.
I love my family. I do. I just wish that I could... escape... sometimes. From all of them. Even The Man (although him, not for long).
I don't have it bad. Far from it! I have a good life, a good family. I mostly like my life. And I understand, totally, that by having children, and then marrying someone who also has children, that Alone Time is going to be at a premium. I get that. I also understand that marriage, if you want a nice, stable one, requires time and effort and work. It isn't easy. I want a lovely marriage, and I want to raise my children to be decent human beings, and in order to achieve that, I have to be here, put time into it, care for it, nurture it, and take care of it. Yes. Understood. Comprehended. I am not complaining about THAT.
It's just that sometimes... I feel like I'm slipping away. I spend so much energy in so many different things, that I feel like I truly lose myself in the mix. There are so many demands being put to me, all day, every day, from every quarter... that my own demands for myself... wait... and wait... until the waiting turns into no more.
Mayhaps, I am selfish.
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2 comments:
You aren't being selfish. I think that with being a mom & a wife it's almost to be expected that you lose yourself...for a while. Ok, years really. But I keep hoping that as they get older (The Men too) we'll find ourselves again. Maybe I'm being foolish to think that?
It's easy to confuse selfishness with striving to be sane. We need our moments of peace and respite. We need the reminder that once our children leave home there will be enough of ourselves left that we won't fall to pieces, purposeless and lonely. We need to feel like individuals as well as mothers.
We need a lot of things. A not all of us get them.
My hubby routinely stays home with the kids in the evening to let me escape. Grocery shop alone. Ladies night with a couple gal pals.
Oh the loveliness.
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