The Rambling Blog, so Ready Yourselves, People

I don't know what my damage is these days, but I just haven't felt like blogging. In part because I have another blog elsewhere (that I have been neglecting, also) and because I'm just not in the mood.

There are those that blog religiously, almost daily, and I admire that. I like to write; I find it very cathartic. However, I can't always think of what to say and how to say it and even, why to say it. To those that find the words to fill pages and pages of text, everyday, I stand back in admiration. I wish I could do that. I wish I could apply myself in that same way.

Lately, there have been a myriad of things swirling through my head, and I have had no will to write. Maybe I would feel better about things, less stressed, if I would make the time and do THIS.

Then there is the issue of how much to share: 

I tend to be a fairly private person, to the point of paranoia.

I don't want to give offense to anyone.

I don't want to speak too loudly less it come back around.

I don't want to yell when I should have whispered.

Of course, I'm giving myself entirely too much credit here. I have maybe... three readers? (all of them lovely, talented ladies, by the way) and I doubt that I would say or do anything that would offend one of them.

So I suppose I should go back to old adage... and write, simply, for ME.

So.

Truth time?

Wow. Now that I've given myself permission... where do I even start!!

I guess I'll start with what is foremost on my mind RIGHT NOW... and that would be my ex husband, Aerial *not his actual name*

He and I have been separated for six years now. In those six years, we have both more than moved on. We played musical children for a long time, and now they're back with me, and he has seen them twice in... seven months. He canceled his last two weekends with them. Neither has he paid support.

The support issue has been taken care of; he just doesn't know it yet. I filed several months ago for child support, back in May, and we had our court date in August. He did not come. I have no idea why. Or, I have an idea, but I don't know if I'm right. I THINK that he just forgot.

Whatever the reason, an amount was ordered, and now it's only a matter of time before it starts coming out of his checks and into my mail box. I think, I'll be hearing from him when he becomes aware of this.

I wish that I cared.

I really don't.

It's funny that at one time, this man was my everything. My "moon and stars", so to speak. Now, he's not a friend, not an enemy, not anyone important to me... and we have three children together. If we didn't, I seriously doubt I would have anything to do with him at all. Without the children, there would be no reason for us to have any contact.

Our divorce wasn't exactly bitter. It wasn't a total war. Oh, we exchanged angry words and swore at each other and the usual, but it seems, now, almost rote. Like we did those things because... well, that's what you do.

Not that he didn't make me mad. Insanely angry, from time to time, but it had little to do with our past and everything to do with what he was currently doing, or NOT doing, and it had everything to do with our children.

If ever there was a man who should not have had children....

I guess that's a matter of opinion. My children love and adore their father.

He doesn't really deserve it.

I digress.

Oh, well. Isn't that the point of a rambling blog? Which this is, by the way, in case you wondered. Officially, as of three paragraphs ago.

Or so.

My best friend is this woman named Shanna the Bean. Ok, her name isn't REALLY Shanna the Bean. It's really just Shanna. I just call her Bean. People have asked me, why? Is it because she's tall and thin? (right there is where, I guess, they're thinking, string bean) and no, that is not why.

The REASON, in case you are interested, and if you're not, then why are you still reading? The REASON, I was saying, is because one night, many moons ago, whilst drinking wine, I called her "Shanna Banna Bo Bean" and thought it was SO cute.... and continued to call her that. 'cept, it was a mouthful, so I shortened it to "Bean".

If she likes it or not I have no idea. She has never really told me. Or if she did, I selectively did not hear her express her opinion.

I also call her Sunshine because she is one of those sick puppies who is actually a MORNING person. Yeah. You read that right.

It's alright; our friendship has survived, even thrived, under such circumstances. We are willful women, determined to get through any diversity.

Today is a good day.

The paycheck came, and that is always a good day. I have some bills to pay yet but they'll get paid in good time and not be late. Or, not TOO late, as it is.

I even bought Heroes Season 2 on DVD! Yay!

Is it weird to be a grown woman and have besties and like shows like Battlestar Galactica and Heroes?

And dragons. I like dragons, too. I imagine I might like them a good deal less if they, you know, existed... but in fantasy form, they are quite magnificent.

Speaking of magnificent... elephants are just that, did you know? They're my absolute favorite animal of all time. I love to go to the zoo just to see THEM. I could stand outside their enclosure all day and just watch. If it weren't hella dangerous (and if I had the funds) I would LOVE to go and see them in the wild. That would be, like, the best thing ever.

In my next life, I fully intend on coming back as an African elephant.

You think I am kidding; I assure you, I am not.

And moving on to the next topic...

I promised those children I birthed that I would go and get them all new books today. That is ONE thing that I LOVE to buy them. I myself am an avid reader (in case you missed that little nugget of info, there you go, I love books and gift cards to Barnes and Noble are always more than welcome) and it seems that I may have passed that trait on to some of my children. Beta for sure... and Alpha, it seems, also. Not sure about Delta, and Cappa... well, I think he would read more if he, you know, could tear himself from his Gameboy for a few...

So books today.

And with that, I think I will close.

Later, gator:)