Someone Needs To Draw A Line! End This Insanity Now!

I have, over the years, noticed a rather disturbing trend in today's society. It is at once both disturbing and, yes, obnoxious. It defies explanation. Those who do it cannot give a good reason as to their atrocious bad choice, and those that stand by and let their loved ones do it are just as much to blame.

I am, of course, talking about the Trend of the Saggy Pants.

It started innocently enough: I remember the first time I saw a grown male in saggy pants. I'm certain he didn't mean to start such a godsawful thing, but I cannot think of where else to lay the blame. I will show you here where I believe, according to all fifteen minutes of my research, this madness began. In the video below, I will show you PROOF of this trend's origins. Be cautioned; it is NOT for the faint of heart.

See? See? I think it is safe to say, he started it. Little did he know when he filmed this cinematic classic, he was corrupting the little hearts of America's youth. Or, at least, their fashion sense.

Perhaps it would have died with him, but no. The corruption was going to spread. Initially, it was isolated incidents. A sordid few would wear their pants low-slung on their hips, and the rest of us would give them the hairy eye, but still, those individuals were few and far between. Perhaps we could have killed this trend before it started, but alas, it was not to be. THIS blockbuster hit the theaters, and that was the end. Or rather, the beginning... America would spiral down into a sad state of fashionably challenged, all because of a single scene in a movie that not only glorified the saggy pants, but made it socially acceptable.

 

The above is a screen shot from the movie Clueless. This socially conscious movie made considerable headway into our culture, changing the fashion of America as we knew it.

At first, it seemed that although the boys were bent on wearing their pants around their hips, it wasn't that bad. Certainly it was a sight better than the traditional plumber crack, something that the majority of us were unfortunately familiar with:

 

But then it got worse.

The pants start getting lower and lower... and lower still. Soon a new trend would rise, that of wearing pants UNDER your pants. Strange, but true. Observe:

The madness spread.

Innocents everywhere started doing it. Friends were telling friends, condoning the trend, and encouraging it. Children are doing it younger and younger every year, and I fear that there is no hope. You might think that the below is an isolated incident, but no. My research has uncovered many such disturbing images, and this is but a sample of them:

It's spread so far and wide, it seems that there is no way clear of it. Sights like these-

-are all too common anymore. Grown men with their pants down below their buttocks, held precariously in place with a strip of leather commonly referred to as a belt, are sweeping across the nation. It's something of an epidemic.

And it's not just the men. Women-

-are doing it, too.

Although, to be fair, most women are sensible enough to NOT accept this trend. Usually you only see sights like the above when alcohol is involved. Still, though, as the more intelligent sex, you would think that we would lead by example. Just sayin'....

And so, in conclusion, I say, stop the madness. If you are a man and you are wearing sagging pants, keep these few points in mind:
1. You do not look cool. You look like a dork.
2. You have to walk around holding your pants up with one hand, lest they fall down. These leaves you with only one hand free to carry important things, like beer. Beer is usually heavy. You could drop it. Then you will be mad.
3. If the zombie uprising occurs whilst you are wearing your saggy pants, you cannot run from them, no matter how fleet of foot. You will be amongst the first to have your brains eaten and turn into the walking dead.
4. Penguins are cute. You are not.
5. Let me reiterate my first point: you look like a DORK!

Alright, I have said my peace. Join me in this fight against the Trend of the Saggy Pants. Save your loved ones from this fashion disaster! Do whatever you must, but

STOP THE MADNESS!

And next week, I will address the sad, sad state of-

-THIS unfortunate trend. Until then....

PEACE!