Woman Who Waits

If I could define myself in a single word, it would be, waiting.

I wait for things everyday. I wait for sunlight in the mornings when I wake up. I wait for it to be time to take my children to school. I wait for the treadmills at the gym. I wait for the water to heat up for my shower. I wait for the mail. I wait in line for gas, to pay for groceries, to buy my books. I wait for it to be time to pick my children up, and then I wait in a long line of cars that curls from the school, onto the street, and around the corner, inching my way forward. I wait for it to be time to drive to get my husband from work. I wait for dinner, the timer ticking on my oven, delicious smells filling my house. I wait until it’s time for my children to shower, to go to bed, until everyone is where they are supposed to be and then I clean my kitchen. I wait until I am certain that my house is complete before I go to bed. And then I wait to fall asleep.

My life is filled with waiting, from one thing to next, day after day. I fill my calendar with things to look forward to, good things and mundane, birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. I wait for the day when one son will finally move forward in his life, and the other son will finally be taught by life.

I wait for books that I want to read to be published, shows I want to watch to be aired, movies I want to see to come to theaters, but usually I wait until they are on Netflix. I wait for paychecks to fill my bank account so that I can empty it again paying for the necessities of life and living.

I wait for summer in the winter, and winter in the summer. I wait for nite when the sun is so glaring it hurts, and the sun when the days are cloudy and gray, again and again. I wait for rain when it’s too hot and heat when the rain is relentless.

I wait for gas to go down, and then wait because I know it’s going to go back up.

I wait for friends, for phone calls, for evenings out, for evenings in.

I wait for solitude when I am bombarded by children, chores, noise. I wait for my loved ones when the silence is too oppressive.

I wait. And wait some more. Would I change it? No. If I didn’t have all these things to wait for, my life would be very empty indeed.